Montana Healing

July 16, 2015 Bible study post

My husband and I are going to Montana today. My grandparents are ailing and my sweet grandma is on hospice with dementia. Nothing is imminent, everything has been painfully slow. I had booked this trip earlier, planning to bring Libby with me. Now, instead, I'm going to go and bring my sweet Grandma Libby's photos and tell her to go home and be with my girl. I'm dreading it. My heart breaks just thinking about it. But I feel I need to do it. Please pray for us on this trip. But please pray especially for my kids, Max and Kaia, while we're away. I feel so awful leaving them now, while things are still so raw. They've got wonderful, loving people taking care of them, so that's not the concern. We just never know when the grief will strike them hard. Pray that God will just fill them with peace and comfort through the weekend and that He will give their sweet caregivers the right words and actions as needed. I know this is all so very possible for Him! Your prayers are so appreciated.

July 16, 2015 Facebook post

One of the first things to catch my eye when I got to the airport in Montana. That's my grandma and grandpa on the cover of the local paper, the people I am here to see. An article beautifully written by Molly Priddy about families living with the "devastation of dementia and Alzheimer's disease." You can read the article here.

The beautiful article that was written about them was such a gift and evidence of how God is still at owrk in my grandma's life. It was such a treat to be there with Grandpa the weekend that the article had come out. He was a bit of a celebrity around the retirement home! :) Best of all though, the article validated for him, not only his great love and devotion for his Helen, but this wonderful reporter was able to see in a short time the great love that Helen felt for him, something that is so easy to miss when caring for someone with Alzheimers or dementia.

July 19, 2015 Journal entry

I had been dreading this trip, but felt it was something I needed to do. On the way to LAX Thurs I realiezed I didn't have my ID with me. Swiss cheese brain (officially known as brain fog), yet another grief symptom. Freaked out and asked my Bible study group to pray for that. And let me tell you, I basically sailed through security, just felt the Holy Spirit clearing my paths. (Later, Kurt's bag got torn apart as if he had explosives, so go figure. Once again agreed: my God is cooler. :)) At that point I started believing God wanted me to make this trip. I'd said earlier if the ID thing caused me not to fly then it was Him saying I needed to stay home with the kids. But paths cleared. The flight was rough because the flight ateendant asked at the begining of the flight if I had my lap child with me. That made me start crying, remembering that Libby was supposed to be with me. Plus we were surrounded by babies. So lots more crying (and not from the babies). I just wanted to turn to all those parents and let them know how lucky they were to have their babies with them today.

I felt sadness when we landed in Montana which was definitely a first. This has always been one of my favorite places. When we were out at baggage claim and I saw the woman carrying a stack of the newspapers with my grandparents on the cover it felt like another sign from God that He was in control of things. After getting settled at our hotel and finding a tasty bite to eat I started finding happiness in Montana again.

The next day we got to see my grandparents. Oh, how I love them. Every summer as a kid we'd drive cross country from Virginia. We'd stop in Minnesota to see my dad's parents and then head over to Libby, Montana to spend a few weeks with my mom's parents. Libby was named in honor of the town that held so many precious memories for me and as a legacy to my darling grandparents who were part of all those memories. They raised three daughters on love and mountains up in northwestern Montana. Now, as I sit with my 97 year-old grandfather, who cries at the loss of his sweet great-granddaughter, we're both knowing that he was wishing he had gone first. This was not supposed to be the order of things. But this gentle man sat with me and talked with me and when my tears came he told me to go ahead and cry and say anything I wanted to. I've always been a bit sad for him that he never had a son to carry on the family name, but all those years of loving and raising his three girls, are certainly benefitting me now. He is just the sweetest.

I got to see my grandma a number of times. She is in the end stages of dementia, a shell of the woman she once was. She sleeps almost always, can't feed herself, and can only whisper a word or two occasionally. But when she is awake and alert, there are still glimmers of her old self. She still has recognition of her family members and glimpses of her sunny personality and good humor. Thank you, God, that she never became someone we couldn't even recognize. After daily visits with her, Sunday, the day of our departure, arrived, and it was time to say good-bye. That was hard, knowing I might not (hopefully?) be seeing her again. I just hugged her as best I could, I cried a lot, I talked about Libby, I told her to go home, go be with her, what a good time they were going to have with each other, that Grandpa would be ok, we'd take care of hime. It was hard, so hard, but it was beautiful to be able to do that- another holy moment. Being real and doing life.

July 20, 2015 Bible study post

Well, I can't thank you all enough for your prayers last week. They sure worked! Kurt and I ended up having a wonderful time in Montana, something I hadn't even considered a possibility. I hadn't realized how good and helpful it would be just to have a change of scenery. And you can't beat the scenery in Montana. We had great times visiting with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle. It was so good for all of us to be together. I said what I needed to say to my grandma. I had gone into this half hoping I would get a call that she had died the next day. But as I sat with her it was clear that death was not going to be that immediate and I got the simple reminder that God's timing is perfect and my grandma will go Home on the day ordained for her. I know Libby is lacking for nothing up in heaven right now, so I'll just be thankful for the time I have my grandma here on earth. And on the other matter of my prayer request: Max and Kaia both had great weekends! No problems and I think the change of scenery was good for them too. Thanks again for lifting my family up in prayer. We've got some prayer warriors in this group! I want to learn your ways!