September 26, 2015 Facebook post
So God has just been quite busy showing up a lot this past week. What a gift those reminders are and how they encourage us! For some time I'd had the idea in the back of my mind to calculate the number of days that Libby had lived here on earth. It kept getting pushed back because it wasn't something that important. But then last Friday night I was messaging with a sweet friend who mentioned the 420 precious days she had had with her son Owen and that brought it to the forefront again. So the next day I found myself waiting for Kurt sans my cell phone (note to self: the more significant things in my life don't usually happen when I'm holding my phone) and I had to find some way to busy myself. I grabbed an old receipt and started tallying Libby's number of days. As I added up the final numbers, my breath caught in my throat. 629 days. That number is in my email address, it's the time my alarm is always set for, even though I could easily afford an extra 6 or 11 minutes. It's my birthday, June 29th.
I just kind of stared at the number for a while. Sometimes in this season of grief I wonder if I'm maybe trying too hard to find significance out of every little thing, constantly trying to find purpose and reason for what's happened and what is happening. But then sometimes I think you just need to give God His due! This one was just spelled out so clearly for me. Libby was (and is!) our gift! But I know she is not that just for me, or even for our family, that's what she has become for so many of you! I still hear stories of the impact that little girl of ours is having on people far and near. (And what a gift those stories are! What a treasure to be getting a small glimpse of the greater works God is up to!)
So with that thought in my mind, it's changing how I'm approaching my daughter, my grief in this season. Because what do you say when you receive a gift? You say, "Thank You!" I'm reminded to come with a heart of gratitude. Because Libby, through God's perfect plan, has caused a tidal wave of goodness. For me personally, I am learning so much more about who God is shaping me to be and I have never felt God's presence more strongly. Some days He is just filling me up so much with His love and joy, there's no room for that deep despair that can be a valid part of our grief. That statement is not accurate for everyone who grieves though, and it's not even true within my own family. So many ups and downs, always without warning. But for where God has me right now, I am so thankful. I have the emotional and mental capacity to be there to take care of my family. As much as we hurt, we are also able to acknowledge the beauty God is bringing from these ashes.
I just kind of stared at the number for a while. Sometimes in this season of grief I wonder if I'm maybe trying too hard to find significance out of every little thing, constantly trying to find purpose and reason for what's happened and what is happening. But then sometimes I think you just need to give God His due! This one was just spelled out so clearly for me. Libby was (and is!) our gift! But I know she is not that just for me, or even for our family, that's what she has become for so many of you! I still hear stories of the impact that little girl of ours is having on people far and near. (And what a gift those stories are! What a treasure to be getting a small glimpse of the greater works God is up to!)
So with that thought in my mind, it's changing how I'm approaching my daughter, my grief in this season. Because what do you say when you receive a gift? You say, "Thank You!" I'm reminded to come with a heart of gratitude. Because Libby, through God's perfect plan, has caused a tidal wave of goodness. For me personally, I am learning so much more about who God is shaping me to be and I have never felt God's presence more strongly. Some days He is just filling me up so much with His love and joy, there's no room for that deep despair that can be a valid part of our grief. That statement is not accurate for everyone who grieves though, and it's not even true within my own family. So many ups and downs, always without warning. But for where God has me right now, I am so thankful. I have the emotional and mental capacity to be there to take care of my family. As much as we hurt, we are also able to acknowledge the beauty God is bringing from these ashes.
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