Give Thanks in Everything

Facebook post from March 28, 2016

A little doodle with big meaning. Today is nine months since we lost our Libby. 

These words make so much sense to me, at least on a logical level. Yet I'm certainly not in a place of giving thanks for everything. I may never be this side of heaven. But I have seen God do so much good, so much healing over these past nine months. It's easy to be thankful for that. Without Him these months would have been pure hopeless despair. 

Over the past two weeks my grief has made a shift, and not in a good way. It's not constant, thank goodness, but it has given me a new awareness of how very deep this pain goes- deeper than I've been able or willing to go thus far. Deeper than I expected it to be. I think I kind of figured I'd been through the worst of it by now, but I'm beginning to realize that might not the case. And while that leaves me with a sense of dread over the unknown, I am so comforted knowing that I am not alone. God's got this. He's got me. He is bigger than my grief, bigger than my fears and weaknesses. He has placed the exact right people around me and my family. It is no coincidence that you are reading this. He has given us each other. And while I often feel like a leech, just thinking of myself and my own problems as I selfishly suck in all the love, support, prayers, and kindnesses I can get, I am praying that I will have awareness and willingness when it comes to how God wants to use me as I go forward. Because I know that living in His will is the best place to be. It's a place for giving thanks.