Libbypops 2.0

It is not easy to make plans for the anniversary of your daughter's death. In our family we each want and need very different things as we look forward, with dread, to that coming day.

Kurt would like it to be a day for family, a small intimate gathering.

Max wants a bunch of kids there who we don't know: his friends from grief camp, because those are the kids who will truly get how he's feeling that day.

I think Kaia basically wants to have fun and for everybody to be happy. But if they're not, she'll be ready with hugs for them- and will likely end up needing some for herself.

Me? Well, I want everybody and their mother there. You said a prayer for us? You wrote a nice comment on Facebook? You don't know us, but Libby's story touched you? I may not know you, but you are important to me and I want you there.

And the thing is, all of us are right. These desires make sense. Unfortunately, they are not at all compatible, as luck would have it, which is why we were less than a week away from the anniversary and we still had no plans on how to honor and remember that day of days. The other issue, of course, is that it's just so dang hard to even talk about. We're not planning a party here. It's very painful to put ourselves back a year ago. It helps to attempt these conversations during therapy. It's good to have a mediator who is not so raw from running on emotional fumes most days.

A couple weeks ago I had my breakthrough in a counseling session with Kurt. We were talking about what we needed for that day. I delved deeper, because, let's face it, as a lifetime member of the Introverts Club (where we meet individually and don't talk about things), when do I ever want everybody and their mother around? It was a bit out of character. And with a crushing wave of emotion, I finally realized what it was I really needed.

I need to know that Libby made a difference. I need to know that her life mattered, that all this excruciating heartache we've been through has not been for naught. 

I want the world to be a better place because she was in it. 

And yes, she is all those things to our family, without a doubt. But I'm greedy and I want more. That little circle of us is just too small. I want her to be bigger. I can't have that physically, so I'd like to have it figuratively.

I came to the realization that I would be totally fine all by myself on her heaven day if I could have evidence of the difference she made. And that's when the wheels started turning.

I do know that Libby's story has touched so many of you.Your messages, comments, encouragement, all of it just means the world to me. So I thought, let's put some Libby-inspired goodness out into the world.

When Libby died the outpouring of love was beautiful, cathartic, and buoyed us through the hardest of times. One of the early tributes for her was an anonymous donation of five scholarships to the Village of Hope School in Haiti. That changes the world! Do you get what a huge difference that makes for those five kids? I love it! Another family saved their coins all year and then donated a goat, in Libby's memory, to a family in need through Compassion International. More lives changed! People I didn't even know used their artistic gifts to create precious Libby keepsakes. There were days where I knew I was being prayed for and I could tell that it was making a difference. What can you do to make someone smile like Libby on a swing? Big or small didn't matter, people were using the gifts God had endowed them with and as a result, the world was made better for the recipients of their actions.

So, if you would like to join me, let's put some good, some beauty, some kindness and joy out into the world in memory of Libby. Use your talents, whatever they may be, to do something you wouldn't be doing otherwise, something extra. Push yourself a little to see where you're being led. Maybe we'll even get pushed out of our comfort zones a bit. Anything could happen! It's gonna be wild! :)

I was trying to come up with a name for this effort, another hashtag perhaps. If you'll remember, we did #libbypops at Halloween and I was blown away by how many of your participated in that honoring of our girl. She did love her pops! Then I thought, why not just stick with #libbypops? Every act we do in honor of Libby is a little bubble-pop of kindness going into the world. I picture the Earth with little pink "pops" all over it and it warms my heart. We can share ideas and then also share about the "pops" we've done to keep inspiring one another. Just be sure to use the libbypop hashtag! Maybe I'll really get on the ball and make a Libbypop Facebook group.

And as this idea spreads to our friends and neighbors, let this mission be not just to honor Libby but for all those who have lost someone special too soon. You may be reading this and have no idea who Libby is. That's okay! Is there someone you want to honor? Someone who made your world better, and you would like to spread that joy to others? Then "pop" some love out there for them and then tell us about it!

If you're feeling motivated to do some "pops" of the monetary version and would like to support a Libby cause, I'd recommend the following:

Libby loved all things water, so we love the idea of providing clean drinking water where it is needed. You can make a donation here.

Last April Max and Kaia got to go to grief camp through Comfort Zone Camps. It was just what they needed in their grief journey and its value can not be overstated. Our family will be running/walking in the Grief Relief 5K in October to help raise money so that camp, which is completely free for its participants, can be available to those that need it. We would love to have you join our team, the Libby Loggers, or make a contribution to this worthy cause.